Last month I decided to officially leave university. When I say officially, I mean this time I have made a permanent decision. The decision to leave happened the first two days into the induction week. Yep, that's right, I never even made it to the second week! If you don't know already (briefly mentioned in an old post), I started university last year and did the exact same thing, except I had decided to transfer to another university. When I transferred to my new university I studied one semester, just before starting the new one I completely lost interest and enthusiasm for the course, so I dropped out and transferred to another course at the same university. It's all very muddled and all over the place! But that brings us back to last month when I had started university again in a new course at the same university just about to start the induction week.
I left the house the Monday of induction week in a terrible mood. I felt anxious and unhappy knowing that something just didn't feel right and that feeling just wouldn't budge for the whole day. The second day after enrolling with the university, I sat outside for lunch under a tree and starting to weigh out my options. I decided to think logically about the whole thing as well as paying more attention to what would be best for me. I always knew I never really wanted to go to university, it never appealed to me, but I felt like I had to go because that's where everyone else was going. When we were asked my most dreaded question 'what do you want to do when you leave school?', I never had a true answer, I was so indecisive about everything. I had no clue what I wanted to do for a career, I loved anything creative so when the time came to choose a university and course I decided to pick something that I thought I would enjoy.
That's when I look back and think how I could have just listened to myself in the beginning and decided not to go in the first place. But now I see it all in a different perspective, I think the experience I have had with the small amount of time that I was at university has given me more strength. It's given me the strength to listen to myself and make decisions much better than I used to.
I left university because I wanted to, not because I couldn't handle the work because I could, I just lost all interest. I feel like a weight has lifted of my shoulders now that I have left university, my anxiety didn't particularly help when I was there but I can now see a much better improvement. When I look at the whole experience I don't think it was a total waste of time, I think it gave me more of a chance to confirm officially whether it was right for me or not, I can at least say that I tried.
To anyone who is feeling the same about university, unsure about whether you should leave or if you're unsure if you even want to go in the first place. Don't ever feel like you are a failure just because you can't carry on with something that isn't right for you. You should feel proud of yourself for doing what you think is best for you, not shaming yourself or feeling like you're letting everyone else down. Because why do something that you're not passionate or enthusiastic about? Don't ever force yourself into doing something that you don't want to do. You want to be happy not pretend to be happy. Same rules apply to if you're in a job and you're starting to feel like something isn't right, so you start to think whether you should carry on or not, just always choose what is right for you.
Follow your heart, listen to your gut instinct. 'If you're not excited about it, it's not the right path.'
One of the biggest things I've learnt is to not keep all your worries to yourself, speak to a member of your family, your best friend or even someone who is within the university like a careers advisor or student advisor. Because someone will always be there to help you out, they can't be the one to make a decision for you but they can help you out if you need to know what options are available to you. It could be the course you want to change, transferring to a new university or finding out what happens next after withdrawing from university.
It's a difficult decision to make but this has definitely been my most important decision that I've made so far! For most people university can be the greatest experience for them! But it just wasn't for me. I'm much more happy and can now have the time to concentrate on my recent new job and think about where I can go from here. 'Some day we will find what we are looking for, or maybe we won't, maybe we will find something much greater than that'.
What's your university story?